Those of us of a certain age remember when the school Nativity consisted of the dozen or so youngsters who could deliver a line and not fidget for half an hour or so, Mary, Joseph, three wise men, a couple of angels a shepherd or two a donkey and some sheep. That was in the days before political correctness, only the five main characters remain from those days of yesteryear Mary, Joseph and the three wise men now spaces have to found for the massed ranks of school years one two three etc hence two angels have become a host, the shepherds and sheep are sufficient to re populate New Zealand, there is an obligatory crowd and the donkey has become a farmyard full of animals. Just for good luck there is often an Octopus a Whale a Spaceman and a couple of Aliens.

What if the inanimate objects had a role, could the following additional lines be inserted into the play–

Act 1 Scene1 – Joseph and a heavily pregnant Mary approach the door of the last inn in the village.

Mary –“ Joseph I do like that “Victorian style composite door” do you think we could have one like that on our new house”.

Joseph knocks inn keeper answers no room but I have a stable as they trudge to the stable Mary speaks-

Mary –“ I do like your front door innkeeper”

Innkeeper – “I bought it online from that Global door gave me a cracking deal liked it so much I got one for the stable as well , “match boarded “though so it blends in”

Act 1 Scene 2- Joseph & Mary enter stable to be greeted by the donkey, Innkeeper leaves, Mary speaks.

Mary – “ Shut the door please Joseph it’s cold enough in hear without the draught”

Joseph closes door Mary speaks again

Mary- “ What a difference the thermal and acoustic qualities of that door are really good I can no longer hear  the irritating baa baa ing of those sheep and stop the donkey kicking the door”

Joseph replies

Joseph – “The door should be OK I was reading online that all Global doors are accredited to both “Secured by design” and PAS 23 &24 so we can be sure that they are solid and durable in their construction and able to withstand the wear and tear of everyday use, such as being kicked by a donkey”


Mary gives birth to Jesus – much rejoicing.

Act 2 scene 1 -A knock is heard at the door Joseph goes to door and looks through spy hole – Joseph speaks.

Joseph –“I do like the accessories you get with these Global doors the joint knocker and spy hole are excellent – oh it’s the three wise men bearing gifts”

Enter three wise men Melchior speaks

Melchior – “ Nice door I have one like it at home – it’s a Global door I believe, you cannot mistake them really good quality.”

Gifts are presented hosts of angels appear, along with  the shepherds and their sheep , the crowd, the farmyard animals the Octopus, the Whale the Spaceman and Aliens all take to the stage. More rejoicing, lots of singing.

Slowly the stage clears

Act 2 scene 2 – Joseph , Mary and baby Jesus alone in the stable – Mary speaks

Mary –“ Alone, at last, put the kettle on Joseph I could do with a nice cup of tea, and close the door please” – Mary gazes affectionately at the door and speaks again “Joseph I do like that door”

Joseph responds-

Joseph – It’s growing on me to and while you were singing along with the angels I had a chat with the innkeeper, he turned up wondering what the noise was about, he gave me this brochure and told me that if you go on line you can design your own door and it comes in a choice of twenty styles, seven colours plus there are forty glass styles and a multitude of accessories. It’s been a good day a new baby son and we know where to go to buy our new front door”


Curtains close audience cheers, grab their coats find their children and leave.

Mr & Mrs Higgins Nativity Programme in hand are having some difficulty in locating sheep no 41 their son Joshua.

To be continued.